Wednesday, December 1, 2010

At the end of the wild ride,
dizzy from the speed of it,
panting from the fright of it,
tears in my eyes from the beauty of it,
I meet Your eyes, and laughing, say,
"Again! Is it over?"
And You smile and say,
"It's not over; it's only just begun!"
-HJ Dec 1, 2010

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Repentance Tree Harvest

Matthew 3:8 "Produce fruit in keeping with repentance."

To follow the One Most Beloved,

also known as Familiar With Sorrow,

must I leave all I value in this life?

Must I give up today for tomorrow?

To follow the Only Begotten,

must I give up on having my own way?

Must I let go my will and desires

to take hold of Thy Will Be Done each day?

To live by the Word Become Flesh,

which became Word spat on, crucified,

must I live in full faithful obedience,

of the Spoken, the Suffering, the Died?

Must I follow by changing direction,

taking up the cross carved just for me,

picking fruit from the tree of repentance

for an offering worthy of Thee?

To follow the Way, Truth and Life,

must I step onto pathways unseen?

So I must, but with help of the Spirit,

go where Jesus before me has been.

-HJ Nov 21, 2010

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I thought I saw a movement
Like something drifting by
While I worked near my window
With its cloudy autumn sky.

Too small for a falling leaf,
Too compact for a feather,
Too airy for a drop of rain:
Could it be a change in weather?

Was it a downy messenger,
A light and fluffy sign?
Could it be snow? The sparkly flakes
Declare it’s winter time!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

To You Who Are Hurting

The intricacies of the eternal mind lean toward mercy;
the veins of the eternal heart run rich with love.

The Christ, when He didn't need to,
came to live in the hurting world.
Never was there such wounding.
Besides the nails, the torture of the cross:
the colossal burden of total darkness of spirit.
The light of God-connectedness
blocked off by the massive barricade of
rotting flesh piled up on His shoulders
in a daunting-to-anyone-less-than-God
nuisance ground of filth and shame.
The Christ, who didn't need to,
acquiesced and accepted,
became pain-sharer by becoming human,
and then pain-bearer by becoming debt-payer
in place of us, who richly earned it.
-HJ Nov 2010

Saturday, October 30, 2010

The finger-pointing accuser stands
jeers "You are" (through gritted teeth) "spirit, holy, just, eternal, and so much more of that," with an ever-ready sly grin.
"You have by your very nature been One-Cut-Off from your creatures
who are weak, blind, self-seeking and oh-so-easy to sway.
You cannot be bound by flesh, vulnerability, lenient forgiveness, time and such,
to intervene in your system as it stands."
A smokey cackle, a too-soon-claimed victory.

Spirit/Holy/Just/Eternal/so much more of that
"I who created reason cannot be out-reasoned.
The laws I have set will stand forever.
And the Supreme Law of Love, which is my Pure Nature, can and does surpass
what you call binding
and thereby accomplish.
The weakness of flesh, the impurity of sin, the lenience of forgiveness, the temporality of death are all canceled/redeemed/paid/changed by the Mystery Love, when taken on for Love, endured for Mercy, redeemed by Compassion."

Rule-Bender-For-Love takes on otherness, satisfies law, and remains,
Worthy Forever

-HJ Oct 2010

Sunday, October 17, 2010

It's Coming
Old are the oak trees and green their velvet skirting
as grouped around the clearing they stand stoic awaiting winter.
The grasses long have laid them down and pulled up leafy covers.
Here, long ago, we laughed and ran between wind and sun and forest.
Now I trace tracks on the very narrow path between hazelnut bushes,
where slim deer and lithe rabbits have paved a twisting way,
and I take note of messages left for my dimming eyes.
The oaks are solid and will remain as long as woods are wanted.
But take the leaf, now brown and crisp, and read between the lines.
-HJ Oct 17, 2010

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

In the stillness of the spirit speak Your word and let me hear it.
Let me listen quietly, closely,
let me know it deeply, slowly.
Let my stormy troubled thoughts
be stilled by Your word spoken clearly,
in my heart and in my life
let Your peace calm every strife.
Make my life a smooth reflection of Your love and Your perfection.
Though troubles come and always will, speak to me Your “peace, be still".

Monday, September 27, 2010

Lord, you have set us free
and here we sit inside the gate
still stupidly dwelling in captivity
though the very breeze of freedom
drifts in and tantalizes our nostrils

we hold onto that which we will not let go
and cannot grasp that which will never let us go

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Dispossession Date
On the morning of the big day
we waken early and cannot sleep
having prepared for the big move
the night before
we set off into the new day
loaded down with all that we can take with us
memories of the dear old place we are leaving
precious possessions and lists of lifelong friends
skills we have gathered
good deeds and failures packed in cardboard boxes
we set off to the new house
the journey takes a span of hours
spent in
anticipation and apprehension
of the unknown that is soon to be upon us
fear and excitement
of the approaching unfamiliar as we shed the old
we finally draw near to the new dwelling place
we hold our breath and the doorknob
at the entrance
and simply step through

Monday, September 6, 2010

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. -Romans 12:12

The joy is missing. It may return,
but don`t look for it, just watch and yearn.
And patience has been worn so thin
it cannot hold even one sigh in.
All that`s left for me to do
is to remain faithful in prayer to You.
So here it is. Now it`s been said,
You`ll do your work; I`ll go to bed.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Matthew 27:46

If the very Son of God cried out in anguish and in pain
a heaving sob of "Why?!" sent flying out to heaven's domain,
how much more is it acceptable to be creatures so in need
of a rescue or a saving as we weep, we faint, we bleed.
Maybe not a sign of weakness, but an accepting recognition
by the One who came from better, of our sad human condition.
But think to Whom He wept it!, as He lived the tortured cross,
sent homage tears to the One who vows to fully redeem each loss.
Faith is knowing there's an answer for every heartfelt 'why',
we'll be more than compensated for each hope that we've watched die,
and knowing that we have a God who truly understands,
and that living without questions is not one of His demands.
-HJ Aug 23, 2010

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I believe in the perfection of heaven,
and that our joy shall be complete,
and that someday when we look back on life
all will be revealed.
We'll know why we needed suffering,
how pain is justified or explained,
and the reason for all the sadness on earth,
what our losses eventually gained.
But meanwhile, back here in this life,
in this world where I presently stand,
I must ask for wisdom or forgiveness:
there's so much I do not understand.
We have seen how the innocent suffer,
and how some live whole lifetimes in pain.
We have wept as a loved one lies dying,
knowing we'll never see them again.
So forgive me my sorry confusion,
and forgive please my anger and doubt.
If I cannot yet have understanding
lend forgiveness until all is found out.
-HJ Aug 19, 2010

Friday, August 13, 2010

I'm weary from weeping, but the king awaits.
Unworthy but called, I enter his gates
to offer my service, poor as it may be,
for I love the king deeply, though much more he loves me.
This king needs no counsel; his own word is wise
and willingly given as the need will arise.
And I do not serve him to gain a reward
(although it is promised). There is no other lord
so worthy of allegiance, so true to his word.
At sight of my suffering his compassion is stirred
and his sword lifted up, evil brought to its knees,
for all who would harm me are the king's enemies.
He has fought the same battle that I must face,
a good king who knows all the struggles of this race.
The throng of his followers, faithful, loyal and bold,
is mighty in number, wondrous to behold.
And all have faced hardship and harsh lonely fates;
though weary, they come, for the king awaits.
-HJ Aug.12, 2010

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Doubting Sonnet

How much of you is my imagination;
how much of you is what you have revealed
in mercy to a lost and wandering nation
with lying tongues, with hearts against you steeled?
I worship you as God of all the ages,
almighty, and all-knowing, and always.
I know, in fairness, my wrongs have earned wages,
a deathly debt which only blood repays.
But can it be you love us as they told us?
And is forgiveness offered free and clear?
With sorrow for our suffering you behold us?
And is each single one your child most dear?
To turn from you were lifelong lonely grief.
I do believe; help you my unbelief.
-HJ Aug. 7, 2010

Sunday, July 18, 2010

The book the book I was in so deep
that when I came out it was hard to breathe
and the sky looked odd and the breeze on my skin
was foreign, and I just wanted back in
side the more real world of wisdom and words
and rhythm and rhyme and me, immersed.
-HJ July 18, 2010

Sunday, July 11, 2010

I cannot sing to his holiness
but I can sing to his mercy.
I cannot stand, for lowliness.
Before him I am uncleanliness,
which should condemn and curse me.
It was love that sought and found me.
It was grace put its arms around me.
I cannot sing to his holiness
but I can sing to his mercy.
Forgiveness received, how withhold it?
Those needing to hear must be told it:
God yearns for you immensely,
the chooser waits to be chosen,
come alive with the one arisen.
I cannot sing to his holiness
but I can sing to his mercy.
-HJ July 12, 2010

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Philippians 2:5-8 (New International Version)

5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
The great spirit, so far above us,
intent on showing it love us,
in letting go of its almightiness
became as its creature, all piteous
(embracing weakness, for love)
then, having become as we, weakly,
most humbly stepped down, even meekly,
becoming yet less: gave up living,
than which there can be no greater giving
(embracing even death, for love)
except for that final surrender,
facing torture alone, no defender,
accepting a death most lowly,
revealing that suffering is holy
(embracing all pain, for love)
-HJ July 2010

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Paradox

"Often it is the dark forest that makes us speak about the open field. Frequently prison makes us think about freedom, hunger helps us to appreciate food, and war gives us words for peace. Not seldom are our visions of the future born out of the sufferings of the present and our hope for others out of our own despair. Only few 'happy endings' make us happy, but often someone's careful and honest articulation of the ambiguities, uncertainties and painful conditions of life gives us new hope. The paradox is indeed that new life is born out of the pains of the old."
-Henri Nouwen, Reaching Out


I will have weeds in my garden because of the dragonfly.
I couldn't keep on tilling; I didn't even try.
I stopped, to see shafts of sunlight turn wings into silver lace,
and the silver wings whispered to me, as it flew right past my face.
I'll have spider webs on my porch steps because of the columbine
that I sat and admired, broom forgotten, just to study its honeycomb shine.
And I will have fuzz on the carpet, and delicate dust balls on stair,
for my eye has been caught by a goldfinch, and I've daydream time always to spare.
-HJ June 29. 2010

Monday, June 21, 2010

Thunderstorm Haiku
Pouring, pouring rain,
puddles, clouds and flooded yard,
but berries beckon brightly.
-HJ June 21 2010

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

(If I see myself as a beloved child of God, this has implications...)

As a beloved child,
may I be more loving
to all the other children.

As one who is forgiven,
may I forgive all
as a thank offering.

As a welcomed follower,
may I persevere
to the very end of the trail.

As a brother or sister of the firstborn
may I look for direction
to the one who went before.
-HJ June 16

On second thought maybe this says it better:

Let the beloved child be loving.
Let the gifted child be giving.
Let the one reborn bring new life to many.
Let the living strengthen the living.

As we have known mercy, so shall we show mercy.
As we have received, so shall we give.
As we have been welcomed, so shall we welcome.
As we are forgiven so shall we forgive.
-HJ June 17

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Valley Of The Shadow of Death
And it came to pass we needs must tarry in the valley of desolation.
No farther could we travel though we longed for our destination.
"It is a sweet land we are going to, lush and wondrous to behold!"
But our beasts had suffered injury and must rest to heal, we were told.
And was it not foreboding we had felt as we drew near
to the dark and clouded mountains we must cross in dread and fear,
and did not clouds roll in as we proceeded to descend,
and did not black clouds stop and stay above us to portend
the whispered name of this dark vale? Valley of Shadow it is called.
And our hearts beat loud within us, and our hope and courage palled.

In the darkness on the cliffs, the road impossible to see,
two beasts miss-stepped and staggered, and went down to injury.
Though we told ourselves how fortunate the beasts and loads not lost,
by the time we had them lifted up, the rain fell, cold as frost.
We persevered most haltingly, unsure of step or fall,
the beasts much slower, but we were glad that they could walk at all.

When lower slopes brought lesser winds and hillsides not as steep,
we made our camp. Though cold and wet and hungry, we chose sleep.
By morning we became aware how dark a day could be
in this shadowed, dismal, dreary place, all gloom and misery.
We spent the first day, if day it was, looking to our beasts,
attending to our worries, lack of water not the least.
The next, I set out down the valley, to see what I could find
to improve our lot with water fresh, for hot drink to soothe the mind.

As on my way I wandered down what seemed to be a trail
heavy mist was wrapped around me, heavy silence filled the vale.
And ever darker seemed the search; within me was despair
for never sounded trickling brook, nor birdsong in the air.
All day, it seemed, I struggled on, no footstep ever sure,
until the track just vanished: one more ill I must endure.
Now darkness fell, and very shadow of very dark it was,
and I me thought to take a rest, from all my search to pause,
but with that thought I took a step, ill fated and ill timed,
for I stepped off a precipice and tumbled down to slime.

A dank and foul deep pit it was. I felt my way around,
half swimming in the murk, half reaching up for solid ground.
But the wall went on, so steep and slick, to climb was no avail
as I fell back down each time I tried: this wall I could not scale!
I sat me down on rotten log and saw my chances slim,
so far from all my company, my strength now growing dim.
I shivered and I suffered and I waited for the end,
my doom it seemed to die of cold or hunger, without a friend.
On dragged the night, the darkness grew and pressed upon my soul,
until I lay in deepest grief in deepest, darkest hole.

And then it was, it came to me, so faint and far away,
borne on the mist, one note rang out, from where I could not say,
but voice it was, a human voice, and the note became a word
and I lifted up my head and held my breath, and so I heard:
"Bless the Lord, O my soul" rang out in distant song,
each note held high and pure, each word sung clear and long.
"And all that is within me", sang the voice, and it went on,
"Bless His holy name," the voice rang out, and in the darkness shone
not light, but song, to fill my weary breast and give me hope,
there might yet be a chance for me, some rescuer, or some rope.

I stood me up, renewed to search the walls of my seemed doom
and clambered round in mud and stone until a sweet perfume
surprised me sudden! Oh, what could smell so sweet in my despair?
I gladly breathed full deep as my hands wavered in the air
and just above my head I grasped a flower, sweet and fine,
hanging down to me from heaven, it seemed, on a strong and living vine.

And would it break, or would it hold and lead me to be free?
I tested, and it held fast, so I pulled and lifted me
until I gained again the surface and could stand on solid ground.
One flower I picked, and kept in memory of lost hope found.
The night still dark, to find my way by sight was not a choice,
and so I stayed in silence there, listening for the voice.
And yes, it came again, and now it seemed that it drew near,
and I called out loud to answer, overjoyed when he appeared.

My new companion I embraced and soon he told me all,
how I had come to valley's end, must turn me back before I fall.
He lived, he said, upon the mountain side in this dark land,
to give aid to any wanderer in need of word or hand.
Assured of guidance, comforted by my companions skills,
I rested there while night time passed, on the grass of those dark hills.
The land I had found dark and low and hopeless while alone,
was now become a place of peace, for my guide knew every stone.

And so it was that on the morrow we arose to go.
He fed me and he led me, told me all that I need know.
Right soon was I returned to all my waiting company,
bringing water pure and fruits and bread my friend had furnished me.
We traveled on and traveled long to where we had planned to go,
and many more the things we saw, and the things we came to know.
But always when the way seemed dark or treacherous, or bad,
I brought along the memory of the helper that I had,
and the voice I heard that taught my ear to listen when in fear,
and the sweet perfume that told me that a hope was always near.

The darkest valley, the coldest night, the worst grief I have known,
are lessened by the comfort that I never am alone.
- HJ May 30, June 4, 2010

Monday, May 24, 2010

This is not me
walking down the street in the gently falling rain
this is me talking to my therapist
pouring out my heart as I rest on the couch
while Therapist listens sympathetically
and nods and says "I know. I've been there."

this is not me
jogging along the gravel road
this is me trying to outrun the pain
of someone I love suffering.
You cannot see my Running Partner.

This is not me
bent over to catch my breath.
this is me on my knees in prayer
and sometimes using words.

This is not me
turning around to head back to my house
this is me once more taking up the cross
and using it as a weapon
and trying to keep on swinging
to fight the only way I know how
- HJ May 24, 2010

Monday, May 17, 2010

O Lord, lead my chary children by their own distractions
to thy welcoming self
as Thou hast ever led,
quicken the dead,
and turn this prayer for mercy
also to shine on my own head.
Let each small speck of the joy that is truth
in this dark world draw us to Thee.
Be that light by which we seek
to find the light.
Our sight is weak,
Thou ever revealing mystique.
-HJ May 12, 2010

Friday, May 14, 2010

Is love worth the fear of losing?
Does one let the rage, or the tenderness, drive the act of choosing?
Does the blossom define, or the thorn define, the nature of the rose?
Are we stronger, or more vulnerable, in the moments when love grows?
Is life for saving by hiding away, or for spending outrageously before it turns grey?
It doesn't matter. When I first saw your eyes
there was no question left: just to jump was wise.
-HJ May 15, 2010

Thursday, May 13, 2010

My judgement is sharp, my eyes are clear when I see the idols that others revere.
How obvious, I laugh and scoff, and wonder they don't cast them off.
But to gaze upon my own obsessions, to study my failings, my indiscretions,
takes courage that I often lack, to leave my gods and not look back.
I cannot promise to commit, I do not have the strength for it.
In moments of repentant grief I pray, help Thou my unbelief.
-HJ May 2010

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

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i am between eternities: the future and the past
yet i think my life significant and think my life will last?
i see mountains as immovable, ocean waters without end,
to grasp the distance to the stars my mind cannot pretend.
but how much greater, near beyond our powers to understand,
is the truth of God, the power of God, and the love that guides His hand.
for the truth of God, the I AM, gives us comfort and assurance,
and the power of God brings fear of God; 'twould be beyond endurance
excepting for the love of God, and that He holds us dear,
assures us of His tender mercy, calls us to draw near.
when great troubles come, as come they do, I look to my Creator,
for the truth of God, the power of God, and love of God, are greater.
-HJ May 2010

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I didn't get very far with my Bible reading tonight. I am reading through the New Testament in the Message version, and I am starting the book of John. Just a few lines in I read, “The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness; the darkness couldn't put it out.” I was awed.

Undiminished by the darkness the light blazed on.
The blacker the night, the brighter it shone.
And only those trying to walk in the night
fully comprehended the glory of the light.
Day walkers, those trusters of their own eye power,
had no need for a beacon in their well-lit hour.
Small fear of stumbling when sight is keen,
when limbs are strong, the road easily seen.
But the darkest recesses of worlds or hearts
are glorified by the glow that love imparts.
The light in darkness, even now as then,
illuminates worlds, and women, and men.
-HJ May 6, 2010

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Luke 16:19-31

You have been warned. Word has been sent.
Beware, take to heart what the message meant.

Long, long have prophets foretold of this:
in helping the poor do not be remiss.
Do not dress yourself richly and overeat
while right before you stands one in need,
in rags and hungry. Do not turn away
and leave him consoled by one tail-wagging stray.
Do not harden your heart, saying, "I am just one,
there is so much need; what can be done?"
saying, "Go get a job - you look like you're able,"
deny him spare change and spare crumbs from your table.

There once was a rich man who died and looked back
in regret of his greedy and self-centered track.
His late-caring heart made of God one request,
saw his rich brothers' need, could now see what they missed.
He asked that his brothers receive special word,
a sign they would notice, which could not be misheard.
And God, his ears full from the cries of the living,
even heard the dead rich man, and could not keep from giving:
"They'll listen to one who came back from the dead."
The word has been sent. May it not be misread.
-HJ April 2010

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Never again would he look the same,
or look in quite the same way again
at beggars or strangers called unclean,
at madmen. Or listen to visions they’d seen
in quite the same way. He’d listen with care;
you’d look in his eyes and see someone was there.
He sat on his throne but he leaned towards the crowd
come to see crowned again the head once sadly bowed.
How strange all the turns this man’s life had taken.
First king of vast empires, then suddenly shaken
with the palsy of poverty, mad as a hatter,
wandering aimlessly, spouting sad chatter.
And all shook their heads at the loss of a king
once so proud, now insane and suffering.
He came back to himself, in his right mind and clear,
when he raised his eyes up to find heaven near,
gave honour to God and praised his name.
And King Nebuchadnezzar was never the same.
-HJ Apr. 20, 2010

Sunday, April 11, 2010

“Every time exhilarated Christians burst out with a new hymn of praise in words or in life, they participate in the songs of the 144,000 before the throne.” -Marva J. Dawn, Joy in Our Weakness

I’m one of those who stand around the throne
to sing a hymn of praise unto the Lamb.
I count among the dozen dozen thousand
who behold the worthy One who overcame.
We are the counted ones past human number
united in our worship of our God.
We bring the incense of our prayers for justice
and painful were the paths we each have trod.
Our voices join with multitudes of angels
to offer praise and honour, glory, power.
To the One who reigns we voice our songs for ever,
though still within the grip of earthy hour.
Then whether word or deed be my expression,
may praise be all my theme without cessation.
-HJ Apr. 11, 2010

Sunday, April 4, 2010

may you be gifted to desire
to long for, to aspire
to feel the need for searching,
the need to hear an inner voice

may you find a grand fulfillment
reach a perfect knowing moment
be brought home in peace full satisfied
be contented and rejoice

-hj apr 4 2010

Saturday, March 27, 2010

5 a.m. revival

When I endure a poverty of spirit
Wilt Thou surely pour out on me
That promised abundance, that shower of blessing
Thou spakest of on the mount.
When I hunger and thirst so my soul is parched
And I find no sustenance here
Wilt Thou take my hand and lead me on
To Thy great and endless fount
Where the healing waters flow ever on,
Thou soul satisfier, Thou faithful friend,
Thou redeemer of the lost and sorrowing,
Thou blesser beyond all count.
Then one more boon I ask of Thee, Lord,
For it is Thy nature to give:
On the ones I love, in their time of need,
Pour that same abundant amount.

-HJ 5am, Mar. 27, 2010

Monday, March 22, 2010

I want to be more like Jesus
but most of the time I'm not.
If life is a web of temptations
then most of the time I'm caught.
Held by sticky strings of self love,
entangled by stubborn pride,
and I cannot escape to find freedom
as long as I keep myself tied.
I want to be more like Jesus
but that would mean letting go,
admitting my needs and addictions
I hesitate to show.
Oh, to be kinder and gentler,
more able to see others' needs.
Oh, to be able to see beyond self,
to be wise and to let love lead.
I want to be more like Jesus
and walk as He said to walk,
but find I would much rather sit here
and enjoy a comfortable talk.
But that's not the life I am called to,
or rather, it's only a part.
So, oh, to have more faith and courage,
and, oh, to have Jesus's heart.
-HJ 2010

Monday, March 15, 2010

I have felt the cold that burns I have seen the light that blinds
I have known the truth of wisdom I could never understand
To be in a world of beauty surrounded by a sea of pain
To have felt the deepest sadness and one day found joy again
All the signs speak of a mystery, of the paradox of life
Pointing to a deeper meaning than appears to our first sight
Time and chance will touch each one of us as we go on our way
Yet all things happen for a reason and we will be satisfied one day.
-HJ 2009

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Fill us
with Your Spirit.
Speak Your Word;
help us hear It.

Plant Your seed
deep within us.
By Your love
do You win us.
By our fruits
will they know us;
may we pass on
the love You show us.
-HJ March 2010

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Red Bird Dream

Red Bird Dream
I was walking in the pasture
in the clearing of the pasture
oak trees all around the clearing
on a small shrub of the hawthorn
many small birds perched in silence
and in silence fluttered upwards
and began to fly away
One a red bird separated
from the flock of many small birds
separated in its beauty
brilliant red with touch of black
fluttered nearer hovered over me
in its brilliance and its redness
and a small hope was born in me
and I lifted up my arm
and I lifted up my finger
as the bird descended to me
and it landed on my hand
the beauty became weight
and the weight of it did frighten
so my eyes closed as it landed
so beautiful so heavy
on my lifted awkward hand
I knew that I must see it
while I had such beauty near me
but afraid of claw and beak
I hesitated in my dark
The hope of seeing beauty
and the knowledge of its beauty
touched me and convinced me
and I opened then my eyes

-Mar. 3, 2010

Monday, February 22, 2010

If it wasn't for the fact that I know God is omniscient,
all wise, all good, and perfect in completeness
I might have a question, might venture a suggestion
or two about the nature of this beautiful horrible world.

Could it be a possibility, I ask with all humility,
to conceive a kinder gentler form of the necessity called free will?
Or again, all due respect, if that idea holds some defect
could God make us nobler creatures choosing God's way by default?
But Lord, we scramble weakly, too blind and poor to seek Thee,
short on sympathy for fellow creatures, short of worship for I AM.

Still I hold onto the fact that I know God is omniscient,
all wise, all good, and perfect in completeness,
and there is the crowning thought we poor creatures are the sought
by the God of love and mercy, none more worthy of our trust.
-HJ Feb. 22, 2010

Sunday, February 21, 2010

O world, I sniff you like gasoline
Can't get enough irresistible fiend
Inhale you and moan with olfactory lust
Knowing full well you are death and dust
A fierce itch even as I scratch and sigh
and crave more scratching to satisfy
the endless desire to be immersed
in what I see clearly should be reversed
should be transformed into higher calling
to embrace the lifting and deny the falling
to become what is possible past best intent
to receive the vision that heaven sent
back to us, addicted creatures of greed,
of peace past understanding, love more than we need,
joy more than fulfilling, and so I pray
a new life given to me. Let it start today.
- HJ Feb 22, 2010

Sunday, February 14, 2010

i will pass through
whether cancer cells exploding in frantic multiplication
or twisted metal shards of glass split second crash collision
or decades long cells winding down in gradual decline
or instant ending muscle failure suddenly flatline
i will pass through
and on my way see sunsets, roses, stars and trees of green
and hear the owl, the cello, birdsong, laughter, rippling stream
and feel the wind, the sun, the sand, the rain upon my face
and know the joy of love, the thrill of hope, the common race
we all pass through
may take along
a lesson learned
a perfect song

Sunday, February 7, 2010

"This is another day, O Lord. I know not what it will bring forth, but make me ready, Lord, for whatever it may be. If I am to stand up, help me to stand bravely. If I am to sit still, help me to sit quietly. If I am to lie low, help me to do it patiently. If I am to do nothing, let me do it gallantly. Make these more than words, and give me the Spirit of Jesus. Amen."
-quoted by Kathleen Norris in Acedia and Me

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Oh Lord my God, unto Thee doth my heart flow, more of Thee would my heart know,
though I seek in the night.
Oh God my Lord, for the mercy Thou hast shown I lay all before Thy throne,
asking only Thy light.
It is Thy love and Thy unending mercy and Thy grace that doth stir me,
drawing me ever near.
So lend Thy strength and Thy wisdom to guide me, set Thy Spirit inside me,
bend my proud soul to hear,
Oh Lord my God, it is Thy voice is calling, when the shadows are falling,
Thou, Comforter, art nigh.
Oh God my Lord, tune my life to Thy singing, with my life others bringing,
Peace that cometh from high.
-HJ February 2010

Walking on the crust of snow,
three firm steps, then down I go,
boots punching through. I flounder on,
reach solid drift, and walk upon.
Now striding high and fast am I,
now sink knee deep, socks ankle high.
Though frozen and wet right to the skin,
though socks and sleeves have let snow in,
I walk on, hoping the surface will hold
and let me make tracks above the cold.
-HJ Feb, 2010

Sunday, January 31, 2010

"Every minute you are thinking of evil, you might have been thinking of good instead. Refuse to pander to a morbid interest in your own misdeeds. Pick yourself up, be sorry, shake yourself, and go on again."
-Evelyn Underhill

Thursday, January 21, 2010


You tell me that I walk upon a non-existent road,
No God of love DOES live above in a heavenly abode,
That this short life, and hard, is all there is going to be,
That there's no indication there's any more than
what we can touch and see.
(I keep walking.)

You tell me only fools believe the Bible is God's word,
That it's full of contradictions, it's pathetic and absurd,
That I should live just as I please, and trust my inner voice,
That the age-old gospel message is a much-outdated choice.
(I keep walking.)

You call to me to turn around and quit my foolish race,
That with science and with logic you can make a better case
For the school of thought that says that things just simply came to be
In a random and unguided way, coincidentally.
(I keep walking.)

You say I needn't walk so straight and narrow on my way,
That if I'd just turn aside you'd gladly join me any day,
That I'm too exclusive when I do discern what's wrong or right:
Who am I, you ask, to say that I have seen a holy light?
(I keep walking.)

I may stumble, but I'm helped by One who said He will never leave,
And it may get dark, but I have a Guide in whom I can always believe,
And it's not always easy, and not always smooth, but it's always the road for me,
For the farther I walk, the more I'm assured it's where I am meant to be.
-HJ from Jan 4, 2006
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Tuesday, January 19, 2010


I am the bleeding woman,I am the ailing leper,
I am the demon-haunted just dreaming of a helper,
Just wishing there was someone to help me with the pain.
I'd crawl and touch his dirty hem just to be made whole again.
My leprosy is inside, my bleeding is within,
And my own personal demon is my self centred sin.
So often I ignore it or hide that I'm unwell.
From my successful public face no one could ever tell.
And yet I carry with me, and may until I die,
The bleeding leprous seeker of a sympathetic eye,
Anaesthesia, or a healing, or failing all of these,
Just to know that someone hears when I cry out on my knees.
-HJ January 18, 2010
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