Matthew 27:46

If the very Son of God cried out in anguish and in pain
a heaving sob of "Why?!" sent flying out to heaven's domain,
how much more is it acceptable to be creatures so in need
of a rescue or a saving as we weep, we faint, we bleed.
Maybe not a sign of weakness, but an accepting recognition
by the One who came from better, of our sad human condition.
But think to Whom He wept it!, as He lived the tortured cross,
sent homage tears to the One who vows to fully redeem each loss.
Faith is knowing there's an answer for every heartfelt 'why',
we'll be more than compensated for each hope that we've watched die,
and knowing that we have a God who truly understands,
and that living without questions is not one of His demands.
-HJ Aug 23, 2010

I believe in the perfection of heaven,
and that our joy shall be complete,
and that someday when we look back on life
all will be revealed.
We'll know why we needed suffering,
how pain is justified or explained,
and the reason for all the sadness on earth,
what our losses eventually gained.
But meanwhile, back here in this life,
in this world where I presently stand,
I must ask for wisdom or forgiveness:
there's so much I do not understand.
We have seen how the innocent suffer,
and how some live whole lifetimes in pain.
We have wept as a loved one lies dying,
knowing we'll never see them again.
So forgive me my sorry confusion,
and forgive please my anger and doubt.
If I cannot yet have understanding
lend forgiveness until all is found out.
-HJ Aug 19, 2010

I'm weary from weeping, but the king awaits.
Unworthy but called, I enter his gates
to offer my service, poor as it may be,
for I love the king deeply, though much more he loves me.
This king needs no counsel; his own word is wise
and willingly given as the need will arise.
And I do not serve him to gain a reward
(although it is promised). There is no other lord
so worthy of allegiance, so true to his word.
At sight of my suffering his compassion is stirred
and his sword lifted up, evil brought to its knees,
for all who would harm me are the king's enemies.
He has fought the same battle that I must face,
a good king who knows all the struggles of this race.
The throng of his followers, faithful, loyal and bold,
is mighty in number, wondrous to behold.
And all have faced hardship and harsh lonely fates;
though weary, they come, for the king awaits.
-HJ Aug.12, 2010

Doubting Sonnet

How much of you is my imagination;
how much of you is what you have revealed
in mercy to a lost and wandering nation
with lying tongues, with hearts against you steeled?
I worship you as God of all the ages,
almighty, and all-knowing, and always.
I know, in fairness, my wrongs have earned wages,
a deathly debt which only blood repays.
But can it be you love us as they told us?
And is forgiveness offered free and clear?
With sorrow for our suffering you behold us?
And is each single one your child most dear?
To turn from you were lifelong lonely grief.
I do believe; help you my unbelief.
-HJ Aug. 7, 2010

The book the book I was in so deep
that when I came out it was hard to breathe
and the sky looked odd and the breeze on my skin
was foreign, and I just wanted back in
side the more real world of wisdom and words
and rhythm and rhyme and me, immersed.
-HJ July 18, 2010

I cannot sing to his holiness
but I can sing to his mercy.
I cannot stand, for lowliness.
Before him I am uncleanliness,
which should condemn and curse me.
It was love that sought and found me.
It was grace put its arms around me.
I cannot sing to his holiness
but I can sing to his mercy.
Forgiveness received, how withhold it?
Those needing to hear must be told it:
God yearns for you immensely,
the chooser waits to be chosen,
come alive with the one arisen.
I cannot sing to his holiness
but I can sing to his mercy.
-HJ July 12, 2010

Philippians 2:5-8 (New International Version)

5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
*****
The great spirit, so far above us,
intent on showing it love us,
in letting go of its almightiness
became as its creature, all piteous
(embracing weakness, for love)
then, having become as we, weakly,
most humbly stepped down, even meekly,
becoming yet less: gave up living,
than which there can be no greater giving
(embracing even death, for love)
except for that final surrender,
facing torture alone, no defender,
accepting a death most lowly,
revealing that suffering is holy
(embracing all pain, for love)
-HJ July 2010

The Paradox

"Often it is the dark forest that makes us speak about the open field. Frequently prison makes us think about freedom, hunger helps us to appreciate food, and war gives us words for peace. Not seldom are our visions of the future born out of the sufferings of the present and our hope for others out of our own despair. Only few 'happy endings' make us happy, but often someone's careful and honest articulation of the ambiguities, uncertainties and painful conditions of life gives us new hope. The paradox is indeed that new life is born out of the pains of the old."
-Henri Nouwen, Reaching Out

Daydreaming

I will have weeds in my garden because of the dragonfly.
I couldn't keep on tilling; I didn't even try.
I stopped, to see shafts of sunlight turn wings into silver lace,
and the silver wings whispered to me, as it flew right past my face.
I'll have spider webs on my porch steps because of the columbine
that I sat and admired, broom forgotten, just to study its honeycomb shine.
And I will have fuzz on the carpet, and delicate dust balls on stair,
for my eye has been caught by a goldfinch, and I've daydream time always to spare.
-HJ June 29. 2010

Thunderstorm Haiku
Pouring, pouring rain,
puddles, clouds and flooded yard,
but berries beckon brightly.
-HJ June 21 2010