This is not me
walking down the street in the gently falling rain
this is me talking to my therapist
pouring out my heart as I rest on the couch
while Therapist listens sympathetically
and nods and says "I know. I've been there."

this is not me
jogging along the gravel road
this is me trying to outrun the pain
of someone I love suffering.
You cannot see my Running Partner.

This is not me
bent over to catch my breath.
this is me on my knees in prayer
and sometimes using words.

This is not me
turning around to head back to my house
this is me once more taking up the cross
and using it as a weapon
and trying to keep on swinging
to fight the only way I know how
- HJ May 24, 2010

O Lord, lead my chary children by their own distractions
to thy welcoming self
as Thou hast ever led,
quicken the dead,
and turn this prayer for mercy
also to shine on my own head.
Let each small speck of the joy that is truth
in this dark world draw us to Thee.
Be that light by which we seek
to find the light.
Our sight is weak,
Thou ever revealing mystique.
-HJ May 12, 2010

Is love worth the fear of losing?
Does one let the rage, or the tenderness, drive the act of choosing?
Does the blossom define, or the thorn define, the nature of the rose?
Are we stronger, or more vulnerable, in the moments when love grows?
Is life for saving by hiding away, or for spending outrageously before it turns grey?
It doesn't matter. When I first saw your eyes
there was no question left: just to jump was wise.
-HJ May 15, 2010

My judgement is sharp, my eyes are clear when I see the idols that others revere.
How obvious, I laugh and scoff, and wonder they don't cast them off.
But to gaze upon my own obsessions, to study my failings, my indiscretions,
takes courage that I often lack, to leave my gods and not look back.
I cannot promise to commit, I do not have the strength for it.
In moments of repentant grief I pray, help Thou my unbelief.
-HJ May 2010

 

i am between eternities: the future and the past
yet i think my life significant and think my life will last?
i see mountains as immovable, ocean waters without end,
to grasp the distance to the stars my mind cannot pretend.
but how much greater, near beyond our powers to understand,
is the truth of God, the power of God, and the love that guides His hand.
for the truth of God, the I AM, gives us comfort and assurance,
and the power of God brings fear of God; 'twould be beyond endurance
excepting for the love of God, and that He holds us dear,
assures us of His tender mercy, calls us to draw near.
when great troubles come, as come they do, I look to my Creator,
for the truth of God, the power of God, and love of God, are greater.
-HJ May 2010

I didn't get very far with my Bible reading tonight. I am reading through the New Testament in the Message version, and I am starting the book of John. Just a few lines in I read, “The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness; the darkness couldn't put it out.” I was awed.

Undiminished by the darkness the light blazed on.
The blacker the night, the brighter it shone.
And only those trying to walk in the night
fully comprehended the glory of the light.
Day walkers, those trusters of their own eye power,
had no need for a beacon in their well-lit hour.
Small fear of stumbling when sight is keen,
when limbs are strong, the road easily seen.
But the darkest recesses of worlds or hearts
are glorified by the glow that love imparts.
The light in darkness, even now as then,
illuminates worlds, and women, and men.
-HJ May 6, 2010

Luke 16:19-31

You have been warned. Word has been sent.
Beware, take to heart what the message meant.

Long, long have prophets foretold of this:
in helping the poor do not be remiss.
Do not dress yourself richly and overeat
while right before you stands one in need,
in rags and hungry. Do not turn away
and leave him consoled by one tail-wagging stray.
Do not harden your heart, saying, "I am just one,
there is so much need; what can be done?"
saying, "Go get a job - you look like you're able,"
deny him spare change and spare crumbs from your table.

There once was a rich man who died and looked back
in regret of his greedy and self-centered track.
His late-caring heart made of God one request,
saw his rich brothers' need, could now see what they missed.
He asked that his brothers receive special word,
a sign they would notice, which could not be misheard.
And God, his ears full from the cries of the living,
even heard the dead rich man, and could not keep from giving:
"They'll listen to one who came back from the dead."
The word has been sent. May it not be misread.
-HJ April 2010

Never again would he look the same,
or look in quite the same way again
at beggars or strangers called unclean,
at madmen. Or listen to visions they’d seen
in quite the same way. He’d listen with care;
you’d look in his eyes and see someone was there.
He sat on his throne but he leaned towards the crowd
come to see crowned again the head once sadly bowed.
How strange all the turns this man’s life had taken.
First king of vast empires, then suddenly shaken
with the palsy of poverty, mad as a hatter,
wandering aimlessly, spouting sad chatter.
And all shook their heads at the loss of a king
once so proud, now insane and suffering.
He came back to himself, in his right mind and clear,
when he raised his eyes up to find heaven near,
gave honour to God and praised his name.
And King Nebuchadnezzar was never the same.
-HJ Apr. 20, 2010

“Every time exhilarated Christians burst out with a new hymn of praise in words or in life, they participate in the songs of the 144,000 before the throne.” -Marva J. Dawn, Joy in Our Weakness

I’m one of those who stand around the throne
to sing a hymn of praise unto the Lamb.
I count among the dozen dozen thousand
who behold the worthy One who overcame.
We are the counted ones past human number
united in our worship of our God.
We bring the incense of our prayers for justice
and painful were the paths we each have trod.
Our voices join with multitudes of angels
to offer praise and honour, glory, power.
To the One who reigns we voice our songs for ever,
though still within the grip of earthy hour.
Then whether word or deed be my expression,
may praise be all my theme without cessation.
-HJ Apr. 11, 2010

may you be gifted to desire
to long for, to aspire
to feel the need for searching,
the need to hear an inner voice

may you find a grand fulfillment
reach a perfect knowing moment
be brought home in peace full satisfied
be contented and rejoice

-hj apr 4 2010