Why

do I think God is in the sky

any more than in the twigs

And I walk in the woods

I seek something above

and beyond these trees

But it is so dark in me

Now snow covers soil

The reaching trees stand here

I search the high sky

Looking up

When I could as well

lay my fingering

twigs upon my heart

and follow down roots

and delve most deep into the darkness

I come from

 Christmas musings

It's been a long time since we've had a January

but there's one coming soon.

A long month with a lot of time for nothing,

many nothing-filled days.

With deadlines past,

we can sleep 'til noon,

warm leftovers when the afternoon darkens,

drink tea,

light candles alight.

Leave the dishes for tomorrow;

I'm busy with nothing tonight.

Does the leaf disrespect?

When it whines to the wind

of the places it's been

and the troubles it's seen.

When it sees the world whirling by

out of control,

in its dry crumbling roll

and its twisted air-lifted

expulsion from place.

When it loses its view

from the the top of the tree

down to low as can be,

and beginning to moulder.

Is it ruder and bolder

than nicety demands,

to look at the winds

that takes out of your hands

the precious, the needed,

and say wind I bleed?

Or is it an honesty

born of the knowing

that no one can talk of

their coming and going.

Proof of God

The beautiful words

And the terrible words

And the pain pain pain.

The secret thoughts

And the secret words

And the deep dark pain.

The sacrifice

No one ever sees

The quiet act

Done to serve or please

The inner voice

And the difficult choice

And the white hot pain.

The fading hope

And the dying dreams

Of what might have been.

The broken heart 

And the wasted life

And the agonizing

Loss that is death 

And the wish to live

And the wish to die

And the pain pain pain.

Last night my heart ached for a raiment of colour.

A new colour, a strong feeling.

Vivid and breath taking,

Yearning for beauty as yet unbeheld.

I tried to hold onto

The colour, the feeling,

But faded out slowly

Into sleepy unclarity

Until I could murmur only

"...a t-shirt deep blue..."

So I decide to face the day one minute at a time

Trying to hold onto the soul silence that night sleep left behind

The cream left no cloud in my coffee

Except for a thin swirl of gloss on the surface

That only reveals itself when I lean closer

To let the light reflect on it just so,

when I am ready.

I will sit at the table alone

In this empty house

And read my book while I sip my coffee

Later I will think about brushing my teeth

Let the border drop there

This is the minute I am in now

Every day for the rest of my life

I will feel the same

Never the same again.

Until the next time the world falls down

Adding never the same

To

Never the same again.

Well I'm still standing

Until I fall

Then others must carry on

Never the same again.

Wildling

Alive on the inside

You live in the world

All your eyes open

All wings unfurled

No fear for the unknown

A spirit of quest

You try on unknowing

To dream of the best

The clouds were not high enough

The world not too low

Life is exploration

To see is to go

Pain enters through the same door we opened to let love in. 

We opened it anyway. 

One time

I saw an eagle fly

Just over my head

So close I could hear wind in its feathers. 

Had I not lifted my eyes

I would never have seen. 

One time

I saw a crystal gleam

Just by my boot

So close I could pick it up and see the light.

Had I not lowered my eyes

I would never have seen. 

One time

I saw the dark

All around me

So complete I could lose all I saw.

Had I not closed my eyes

I would never have seen.

Let us plant Scotch Pine just for the memories. 

Let us plant apple trees.

Long rows of cottonwood,

to reach for the sky someday,

like we never could.

Let us reach far ahead,

to outlast all we spoke:

go for the gold!

Let us plant oak.

No matter how many birds I watch,

How many hours I study

The curve of wing tip

The swoop and hover

The highs and lows

And stamina,

I just can't seem to fly.

If I ever leave trees

it will be for wind.

Long have I loved the patience of trees,

the solidity, the illusion of permanence.

Lately

I have been much seduced by the wind.

I am tempted to be swept away.

I live in the dark

I said.

Then I opened my eyes to the dark,

The shadows of variation,

The all-around-ness to me.

A black I could come to depend on.

And I found myself in the dark.

I live under ice

I said.

Then I lifted my eyes to the ice

The crystals and gleaming striations,

The over-ness always to me.

A cold I could always be sure of.

And I saw myself in the ice.

I live within chaos

I said.

Then my eyelids floated away.

My body dissolved and my knowledge.

And I only dreamt about love.

 Did you show your children the stars?,

Accuser said.

Not enough! Not enough!

Let me show them galaxies

only so that they may recognize infinity

when they see my love.

It is so hard to go for a walk. 

On a restful couch

With a spellbinding book

And a warm fleecy blanket,

The idea daunts.

To put on

thick socks

sweater

ear muffs

snow pants

boots

parka

scarf

mitts.

But you do.

And the mirror as you step out the door says

You are no longer a slouch on a couch

But a walker of woods at C 15 below,

A cruncher of snow

A strider of silence.

Oh where can't you go!

 I think I saw some solitude out there.

Looking out the window of this crowded house

I saw it in the distance,

Slipping through the trees.

A thing of beauty calling to me,

Kin creature to my core.

I'm not far from the door.

So out I go in silence

Walking far and walking forest,

And in the company of no one,

Find the companion I looked for.