Red Bird Dream

Red Bird Dream
I was walking in the pasture
in the clearing of the pasture
oak trees all around the clearing
on a small shrub of the hawthorn
many small birds perched in silence
and in silence fluttered upwards
and began to fly away
One a red bird separated
from the flock of many small birds
separated in its beauty
brilliant red with touch of black
fluttered nearer hovered over me
in its brilliance and its redness
and a small hope was born in me
and I lifted up my arm
and I lifted up my finger
as the bird descended to me
and it landed on my hand
the beauty became weight
and the weight of it did frighten
so my eyes closed as it landed
so beautiful so heavy
on my lifted awkward hand
I knew that I must see it
while I had such beauty near me
but afraid of claw and beak
I hesitated in my dark
The hope of seeing beauty
and the knowledge of its beauty
touched me and convinced me
and I opened then my eyes

-Mar. 3, 2010

If it wasn't for the fact that I know God is omniscient,
all wise, all good, and perfect in completeness
I might have a question, might venture a suggestion
or two about the nature of this beautiful horrible world.

Could it be a possibility, I ask with all humility,
to conceive a kinder gentler form of the necessity called free will?
Or again, all due respect, if that idea holds some defect
could God make us nobler creatures choosing God's way by default?
But Lord, we scramble weakly, too blind and poor to seek Thee,
short on sympathy for fellow creatures, short of worship for I AM.

Still I hold onto the fact that I know God is omniscient,
all wise, all good, and perfect in completeness,
and there is the crowning thought we poor creatures are the sought
by the God of love and mercy, none more worthy of our trust.
-HJ Feb. 22, 2010

O world, I sniff you like gasoline
Can't get enough irresistible fiend
Inhale you and moan with olfactory lust
Knowing full well you are death and dust
A fierce itch even as I scratch and sigh
and crave more scratching to satisfy
the endless desire to be immersed
in what I see clearly should be reversed
should be transformed into higher calling
to embrace the lifting and deny the falling
to become what is possible past best intent
to receive the vision that heaven sent
back to us, addicted creatures of greed,
of peace past understanding, love more than we need,
joy more than fulfilling, and so I pray
a new life given to me. Let it start today.
- HJ Feb 22, 2010

i will pass through
whether cancer cells exploding in frantic multiplication
or twisted metal shards of glass split second crash collision
or decades long cells winding down in gradual decline
or instant ending muscle failure suddenly flatline
i will pass through
and on my way see sunsets, roses, stars and trees of green
and hear the owl, the cello, birdsong, laughter, rippling stream
and feel the wind, the sun, the sand, the rain upon my face
and know the joy of love, the thrill of hope, the common race
we all pass through
may take along
a lesson learned
a perfect song
-HJ

"This is another day, O Lord. I know not what it will bring forth, but make me ready, Lord, for whatever it may be. If I am to stand up, help me to stand bravely. If I am to sit still, help me to sit quietly. If I am to lie low, help me to do it patiently. If I am to do nothing, let me do it gallantly. Make these more than words, and give me the Spirit of Jesus. Amen."
-quoted by Kathleen Norris in Acedia and Me

Oh Lord my God, unto Thee doth my heart flow, more of Thee would my heart know,
though I seek in the night.
Oh God my Lord, for the mercy Thou hast shown I lay all before Thy throne,
asking only Thy light.
It is Thy love and Thy unending mercy and Thy grace that doth stir me,
drawing me ever near.
So lend Thy strength and Thy wisdom to guide me, set Thy Spirit inside me,
bend my proud soul to hear,
Oh Lord my God, it is Thy voice is calling, when the shadows are falling,
Thou, Comforter, art nigh.
Oh God my Lord, tune my life to Thy singing, with my life others bringing,
Peace that cometh from high.
-HJ February 2010

Walking on the crust of snow,
three firm steps, then down I go,
boots punching through. I flounder on,
reach solid drift, and walk upon.
Now striding high and fast am I,
now sink knee deep, socks ankle high.
Though frozen and wet right to the skin,
though socks and sleeves have let snow in,
I walk on, hoping the surface will hold
and let me make tracks above the cold.
-HJ Feb, 2010

"Every minute you are thinking of evil, you might have been thinking of good instead. Refuse to pander to a morbid interest in your own misdeeds. Pick yourself up, be sorry, shake yourself, and go on again."
-Evelyn Underhill

 

You tell me that I walk upon a non-existent road,
No God of love DOES live above in a heavenly abode,
That this short life, and hard, is all there is going to be,
That there's no indication there's any more than
what we can touch and see.
(I keep walking.)

You tell me only fools believe the Bible is God's word,
That it's full of contradictions, it's pathetic and absurd,
That I should live just as I please, and trust my inner voice,
That the age-old gospel message is a much-outdated choice.
(I keep walking.)

You call to me to turn around and quit my foolish race,
That with science and with logic you can make a better case
For the school of thought that says that things just simply came to be
In a random and unguided way, coincidentally.
(I keep walking.)

You say I needn't walk so straight and narrow on my way,
That if I'd just turn aside you'd gladly join me any day,
That I'm too exclusive when I do discern what's wrong or right:
Who am I, you ask, to say that I have seen a holy light?
(I keep walking.)

I may stumble, but I'm helped by One who said He will never leave,
And it may get dark, but I have a Guide in whom I can always believe,
And it's not always easy, and not always smooth, but it's always the road for me,
For the farther I walk, the more I'm assured it's where I am meant to be.
-HJ from Jan 4, 2006

 

I am the bleeding woman,I am the ailing leper,
I am the demon-haunted just dreaming of a helper,
Just wishing there was someone to help me with the pain.
I'd crawl and touch his dirty hem just to be made whole again.
My leprosy is inside, my bleeding is within,
And my own personal demon is my self centred sin.
So often I ignore it or hide that I'm unwell.
From my successful public face no one could ever tell.
And yet I carry with me, and may until I die,
The bleeding leprous seeker of a sympathetic eye,
Anaesthesia, or a healing, or failing all of these,
Just to know that someone hears when I cry out on my knees.
-HJ January 18, 2010